A Small WAIT

Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack , not the contentment. Love is the ache , the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but emotion itself. :-kiran desai (the inheritance of loss)

Coffee vapor making copious ribbon getting dissolve in the mist . Surrounded by the aroma of coffee and smell of earth when it rains called petrichor. Once same evening under the cherry tree of old high court church. We were naming this combination of coffee nd rain and finally we agreed upon COFFEECHOR which in Hindi means coffee robber. We had a great laugh that evening. laugh still echoes in the flowers of cherry. But somehow those emotions those day dreams got eluded away from your mind like those moments never happened.

Today we were over a coffee table under a fluorescent bulb shade. I saw your eyes they are bigger now. You have expertise in putting eyeliner, you mascara adds beauty to your eyes like sunset by riverside. Eyes which look lost and confused. Going from empty coffee mug to bokeh window to chimes hanging over wall. Your eyes met with mine for a fraction of time.Vernacular, black eyes were down, it reminds me you of something hidden, like a treasure. eyes interacted mine for less than 10 seconds, means that you  are trying to escape but you plaster it with your thoughts every time. In dim yellow lights. You spoke faintly, eyes looking outside the window. Allowing hairs to cover face. Rough, brilliant finish, messy hair locks, waving in air. you whipped your finger in tissue, even if I couldn’t see, your muscles twitched & that was a giveaway. You hate people with pretenses, yet you’ve become one of them, but are you protecting yourself, because that makes a difference.Faint smile, when you take ur eyes from from Window to phone to plate. I felt like a cloud wandering without flow. Confusing expression. Your Expression from weird, complex to beautiful. This is not you my mind scream. Not the girl who day dream with me. In our talk today I could see how your voice tremble. How pretentious you have become with the use of words. Diplomatic. I tried to tell you our memories but you just nodded your head. Which is in that position for last 10 years. Stuck in deep thoughts. Lips hanging, like dew on leaves waiting to open up. Every time I see your face I feel like kissing you. As we did for first-time under lamppost at sector 6. But I will wait. Alzheimer is just a small evil in our life. Our bond of 50 years is not that weak to be shattered by Alzheimer. You see you will get okay someday. I will carry you to hill on a rainy day, drinking coffee of your hand. We will watch clouds. Little clouds of our dreams….. 

I too have a dream 🙂

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