Under the sun burn sky I am walking on highway with my eyes staring on occasionally passing vehicles. In ears Ozzy Osbourne is igniting dead alcohol. Atmosphere was stinky and my body is in sweat. 10th rejection letter lays in my hands, flurring with wind. It has become like my life, deformed, unshaped, crumpled and dead. I stare at my phone screen over blue and white interface. It looks filled with colorfull pictures and fancy captions how every body loves their mom. How their mom changed their life. Some wrote about how they miss their moms.
Today is mothers day.
I think about my mom, sometimes but then most of time I try to remember what should i remember. Should i remember that red marks with guava stick or that burn match stick marks. The way i use to go to school hiding marks. I don’t know shall I think of one kiss that you gave me when I won medal in football or shall I think of kick on face you gave me on stomach when I played outside. I remember once i was caught by electricity. I was choked. I was life less. I felt deprived of blood. My body almost turned white. And very same moment you pulled wire out of socket and saved me. Shall I thank you for that life or shall I remember you for breaking my fingers soon after saving my life. Once you threw metal scissors over me which got stuck on my shin just for not doing homework, and once u pushed me from stairs just for skipping lunch.
I m not blaming you mom. I won’t ever. All my life I thought I must been a bad child. Child who didn’t topped in class. Child who ran away. Child who never did home work. I was bad boy. I use to see my friends mom giving them chocolate. I never tasted a bit of chocolate before I turned 10. I stole my first chocolate. After every stolen chocolate I felt more confident about it. That’s have been my life.
Somehow on dad’s pension and savings I reached college. Graduated. Now I m on roads with my 10th rejection letter. I left home with saying good bye. That warm young blood felt free and proud about that. I haven’t seen you mom for last 5 years. I still have monochrome picture which I clicked in rain. I have been sleeping on bare floor or on grass, body has got accustomed to it but I still long for your laps. I still long for voice that will sing me lullabay and pat me to sleep. I still long for hug warm enough to take all my pain. But then I fear that u will hit me hard for being a failed child. Disgraceful to your family.
Tomorrow I have my train. I hope to see your wrinkled face, spectacle ridden eyes. Silver hairs which always flaunted like actress. I hope that you will welcome me with hug. I hope you will make those knots barfi. I wonder do you still weave sweater. Have weaved something for me too?
Ozzy was spilling in my brain with his magical solo ripping apart every nook of my soul as he says
You took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized
Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes
You made me cry, you told me lies But, I can’t stand to say goodbye
Mama, I’m coming home
I could be right, I could be wrong It hurts so bad, it’s been so long
Mama, I’m coming home
I am standing in front of confectionary store. Today is your birthday too. I have bought a vanilla cake with cherry toppings. I know u hate every other flavors because u think they stink like medicines. I hope some day I will become successful as vanilla so u will love me some day.